Social Media Is Ruining My Mental Health—Here’s What I’m Doing About It
I love the internet. When I was 13 years old, “OG” YouTubers had me laughing my way through middle school and connecting with my friends over each new vlog. During my freshman year of high school, discovering blogs and websites gave me a vision of what I wanted for my future; instead of thumbing through magazines, I scrolled through The Everygirl, feeding my dream of becoming a writer. When I was applying to colleges, I turned to college vloggers to learn the ropes of campus life. And last year, when I struggled to picture my life post-grad, I listened to podcast after podcast explaining the ins and outs of life in your 20s. The internet has guided me through every stage of adolescence and young adulthood, and I intend for it to be a part of my life forever.
I love the internet. But I do not love social media. Where articles, YouTube videos, and podcast episodes have shown me tangible stepping stones for creating a life that I love, social media has bombarded me with an endless flow of information that feels impossible to parse. Where dating and friendship apps have allowed me to make valuable—or at the very least entertaining—in-person connections, social media has left me isolated. And where Google itself has presented me with endless fascinating rabbit holes and a set of valuable research tools, social media has destroyed my attention span and algorithmically streamlined my interests.
At the same time, being present on social media of some form, especially as a participant in the digital marketplace, feels as basic as having a birth certificate. Though I am proud to say that I have officially started a career in journalism without being on the website formerly known as Twitter, maintaining my Instagram and LinkedIn for the sake of my profession feels necessary. I cannot be found if I am not seen. And at the end of the day, I do want to keep up with what my grandmother is posting on Facebook.
There are important reasons to stay on social media, like bearing witness to tragedy when it is happening before your eyes; there are also important reasons to get off of social media, like maintaining your attention span, real-life personal relationships, and career goals. For all of these reasons and more, I have been setting very strict boundaries around social media apps for the past three years. Setting those boundaries can feel challenging and sticky, especially when you were raised on the internet, and no one will let you forget that fact. So, in the spirit of fresh starts and divesting from the things that decrease our quality of life, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from three years of weekly social media detoxing (and the details of how I detox).
Quitting cold turkey is unsustainable—and unnecessary.
When I first started to consider divesting from social media in early 2021, I was surrounded by a lot of extreme advice. Some family members and friends advised me to delete my accounts and apps altogether; others were in the process of downsizing their accounts in favor of more exclusive finstas; even some wellness gurus I followed told me to mute as many people as possible.
All of these options felt way too intense to me, so I started small: I deleted Instagram for one week. When I redownloaded it again, I no longer felt the intense urge to scroll first thing in the morning. Ever since that week, I’ve been repeating the same ritual over and over: Instagram lives on my phone from Friday night to Sunday evening, and during the work week, I divert my attention to other things. I never downsized my account, I dared to experience TikTok, and I still lurk on the desktop versions of social media apps on occasion during the week.
By treating social media like the addictive platform it is, I healed my relationship with these apps. Much like I would prefer to have a glass of wine on a Friday night over a Wednesday, so would I prefer to scroll on Instagram on a Saturday morning over a Thursday. Within a few weeks of implementing this system, I felt my attention span improving. But had I quit cold turkey, I would have been rejecting social media as a necessary and very real part of everyday life, which to me would have been unsustainable. Moderation, rather than quitting, was key.
Lean into your own internet nostalgia.
To me, the “good old days” of media do not consist of anything physical outside of a laptop screen; I used to spend countless hours reading The Everygirl and websites like The Everygirl. Since social media has taken over our brains, people are getting their news from TikToks, and most of us spend our time scrolling rather than reading. But though social media has taken over, digital written media is still here. It’s also gotten better, as increasingly talented people are drawn towards creating on the internet.
I’ve leaned into my internet nostalgia, meaning I went back to the blogs and websites that always brought me joy when I reach for my phone in the mornings rather than checking DMs or scrolling through my FYP. It’s paid off: I’m consuming higher-quality ideas, expanding my attention span, and feeling infinitely more free to put my phone down when I need to do so.
Your clicks are your currency—spend them intentionally.
You know the saying “Health is wealth?” Well, in the attention economy, cognitive health is wealth, and long-form content is a kale salad. As a general rule of thumb, I have found that articles, podcast episodes, and YouTube videos (longer-form content) will always provide me with higher-value information than infographics, TikToks, and tweets. I have no reason to think critically when I see a post on social media because, seconds later, it will be replaced by a picture of someone’s dog.
The longer I have to take to digest something on the internet, or even the longer I have to wait for a post to go up or a page to refresh, the better—that means someone is working hard to create something good. Increasing my attention span with my online consumption makes me better prepared to shift my attention offline. It gives me the stamina to read good books—books like the one I dream of someday authoring. Just like “you are what you eat” in traditional wellness culture, you are also what you see and hear on the internet.
Pro-social social media exists, so use it.
In her 2010 essay “Generation Why,” Zadie Smith pondered whether by being on Facebook, we are all sort of digitally living inside the head of a 19-year-old white male Harvard student. While a lot has changed about Facebook, Instagram, and Mark Zuckerberg since 2010, there has been something about her words that rang eerily true for me in my most intense moments of social media addiction. As a lover of the girlies, I followed lots of women my age on Instagram and TikTok whom I saw as reflections of myself, almost potential friends. It wasn’t until I moved to an entirely new city all by myself that I realized that those relationships I had invested my attention into online were parasocial, not social. Those gals, talented and fabulous creators though they are, do not know or care who I am, and being obsessed with them was detracting from my ability to make and maintain IRL relationships.
By contrast, mechanisms like texting, email, phone calls, and FaceTime, in combination with pro-social apps like Bumble BFF and, yes, Hinge, have only made my existing and new relationships more fruitful. These are the truly social social media platforms. So, women in tech, if you’re reading this, the world needs you and the pro-social apps you are going to create that don’t encourage us to spend more time on our phones but to get off of them. And if you’re interested in divesting from social media, keep going—the grass, as they say, is worth touching.
The Dopamine Trap: Why Social Media Feels So Good (But Isn't)
We all know the feeling. You open Instagram, intending to check a quick message, and suddenly an hour has vanished. You've scrolled through endless vacation photos, meticulously crafted food arrangements, and perfectly posed #OOTD (Outfit Of The Day) pictures. While it feels good in the moment, that fleeting satisfaction is a carefully crafted illusion.
Social media platforms are masters of dopamine manipulation. Every like, comment, and share triggers a dopamine release in your brain, rewarding you for continued engagement. This creates a feedback loop, making you crave more and more of that fleeting high.
But here's the catch: the dopamine hit from social media is shallow and temporary. Unlike genuine accomplishments or real-life connections, the validation on social media lacks substance. It leaves you feeling empty and yearning for the next dopamine fix.
The constant stream of perfectly curated content can lead to social comparison. You might find yourself comparing your own life to the highlight reels of others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. This can negatively impact your mental health and well-being.
Additionally, social media can create a sense of urgency and fear of missing out (FOMO). You might feel pressured to constantly check your notifications, respond to messages, and stay up-to-date with the latest trends. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and sleep disturbances.
To break free from the dopamine trap, it's important to set boundaries and prioritize real-life connections. Limit your screen time, practice mindfulness, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By taking control of your social media usage, you can reclaim your time, energy, and mental health.
The Content Drain: How Social Media Steals Your Focus
Imagine a bottomless pit filled with bite-sized pieces of information, constantly demanding your attention. That's essentially what social media has become. Endless scrolling bombards you with a relentless stream of content: news snippets, funny memes, celebrity updates, and product promotions. While each piece might be individually engaging, collectively they create a content overload.
This information overload fragments your attention span. You lose the ability to focus on complex tasks or delve into in-depth content. Reading a book becomes a struggle, and completing a thought exercise feels impossible. Social media has turned us into digital skimmers, sacrificing comprehension for fleeting entertainment.
The constant stream of notifications and alerts further distracts us from our work and personal lives. We become conditioned to check our phones frequently, fearing that we might miss something important. This constant interruption disrupts our workflow, reduces productivity, and hinders our ability to focus on meaningful tasks.
Moreover, social media algorithms are designed to keep us engaged for as long as possible. They curate content based on our past behavior, creating personalized feeds that cater to our interests and preferences. This can lead to echo chambers, where we are only exposed to information that confirms our existing beliefs, limiting our exposure to diverse perspectives.
To combat the negative effects of social media, it's essential to set boundaries and prioritize your mental well-being. Consider taking regular breaks from social media, scheduling specific times for checking notifications, and engaging in activities that promote mindfulness and focus. By taking control of your digital consumption, you can reclaim your attention span and improve your overall productivity and happiness.
The Comparison Catastrophe: Why Social Media Makes You Feel Like You're Failing
Social media is a curated highlight reel of people's lives. Everyone presents their best moments, their vacations, achievements, and #blessed avocado toast. It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing your behind-the-scenes reality to someone else's carefully crafted online persona.
This constant comparison breeds feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. It fuels the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality, where you feel pressured to achieve a similar level of perfection. This not only makes you feel like you're constantly failing but also ignores the struggles and imperfections that everyone experiences.
Social media can also foster a sense of unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction with your own life. When you constantly see images of perfect bodies, luxurious lifestyles, and seemingly effortless happiness, it's easy to feel like your own life falls short. This can lead to negative emotions like envy, resentment, and low self-esteem.
It's important to remember that social media is often a distorted representation of reality. People tend to share their best moments and hide their struggles, creating a filtered and idealized version of their lives. By recognizing this, you can take steps to protect your mental health and well-being.
To combat the negative effects of social media comparison, try to focus on your own journey and accomplishments. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and practice self-compassion. Limit your time on social media, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By taking these steps, you can break free from the cycle of comparison and build a healthier relationship with yourself and social media.
The FOMO Frenzy: How to Break Free From the Fear of Missing Out
The fear of missing out (FOMO) is a powerful tool social media platforms use to keep you engaged. They constantly bombard you with updates about parties, events, and other people's fun experiences. This creates a sense of anxiety, making you feel like you're missing out on life if you're not actively scrolling.
However, the reality is, FOMO is a myth. Social media highlights only a fraction of someone's life. What you see online is not necessarily a reflection of their actual happiness or fulfillment.
Instead of succumbing to FOMO, focus on building a fulfilling life offline. Invest your time and energy in real-life connections, hobbies you enjoy, and personal growth. You'll find that true happiness comes from living your own life, not constantly chasing the curated experiences you see online.
To break free from the cycle of FOMO, try the following tips:
- Set Boundaries: Limit your screen time and schedule specific times for social media.
- Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment and appreciate the things you have in your life.
- Find Meaningful Hobbies: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Connect with Loved Ones: Spend quality time with friends and family.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you start feeling FOMO, remind yourself of the positive aspects of your life.
By taking these steps, you can reduce the impact of FOMO and live a more fulfilling life. Remember, true happiness comes from within, not from external validation or constant comparison.
Conclusion
Social media, while a powerful tool for connection and information, can also have negative impacts on our mental health and well-being. By understanding the psychological mechanisms behind its addictive nature, we can take steps to mitigate its harmful effects.
To reclaim your mental health and live a more fulfilling life, consider the following:
- Set Boundaries: Limit your screen time and schedule specific times for social media.
- Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment and appreciate the things you have in your life.
- Prioritize Real-Life Connections: Spend quality time with loved ones and engage in face-to-face interactions.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Recognize the unrealistic nature of social media and practice self-compassion.
- Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling with social media addiction or its negative impacts on your mental health, consider seeking therapy or counseling.
By taking these steps, you can break free from the cycle of social media addiction and live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
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